i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
