It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
