I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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