well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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