Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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