I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
