I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
