i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
