I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
