i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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