This girl is more easily done than said...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
