I need to stop coming to work sober
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
