i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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