but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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