You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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