Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
