if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
