they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
