R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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