he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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