Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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