i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
