yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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