And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
