we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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