i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
