ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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