last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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