she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
