Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
