Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
