there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
