I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
