Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
