Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
