pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
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It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
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Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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