She is in my trunk
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
