wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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