I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
