Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
