God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
