why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
worst night to have a conscience
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
