I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My penis needs a shock collar
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
