I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
