One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we made out on top of his cat.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i wish my penis had a tongue
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
