I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
do herpes really smell.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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