Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
