Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
