you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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