he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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