so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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