A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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