dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
