dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
