he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
