I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
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