my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
