her vagine was all disorganized.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And then my night got REAL pukey
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
