i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
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Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
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Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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