After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
