my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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