I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize