All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
