He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
wow bdsm is so cute
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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