It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
