In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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