I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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