she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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