Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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