Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Drake has all the answers
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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