It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i black out too much to be "responsible"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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