I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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