Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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