Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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