I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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