North Korea, Best Korea!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
