Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
