why didn't you poke me back
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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