So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.