Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
