Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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