perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
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So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
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This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go