I am puke
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
