i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.