I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?