I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
as a side note pls kill me