come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
