There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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