the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
