remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
