God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
