I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
