Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
